What makes love worth it?

After making a website, facebook page, tumblr and instagram, in which I said I write all that may come to mind, I felt it too much work. SO I didn’t. But alas, here I am, with a thought that has COME TO MIND.

What makes loving something worth it’s risk? Of the many things, animals, plants, specie, humans are the seemingly the only one’s I can ask why they think it’s worth risking the pain of heartbreak, rejection or loss, just because we say we love it.

What justifies it? If love is a motivator to do things, why isn’t fear? Is not being afraid of being heartbroken not enough reason not to try and let it be known that you may have feelings? Is not being anxious about failing not enough reason to not plunge yourself into uncertain doom of the wilderness.

Why do we justify our lives on the idea that, somehow, doing what “we love” makes it worth it? As though, doing what we fear has never been as powerful a motivator. Why use an emotion that seemingly doesn’t exist in many other specie.
How do you justify it with, love?

You will get those who are so smitten by the palatiablity of not being alone, saying that I must just wait and be in love. and what I find idiotic is that I have, the heartbreak that accompanied that love was not worth it. So how do you justify anything through love?

It sound like a lazy way to think, a way to “khumbaya” through a stressful situation because the reality of it not being as special as you think, makes life all the more painful to live.

So short are our lives that justifying anything beyond love may seem to make life having had been worthless. Foolish, I say. Albeit I admit that love itself may be worth it, but I also believe that is me trying to give myself purpose beyond satisfying my own selfish-desires that do not include procreation or any sort of partnership in fear of loneliness.

I often ask, if humans could create kids on their own, no male or female, just procreation, and we didn’t believe that loneliness is so wrong, that our own company is in itself worth all the love we seek, would we be so keen to love. Would love seem all so worth it?

It is not worth it’s pain, not worth it’s risk, but much like the ground we stand on, the need for it seems ever so real. It feels more like a curse than anything.

One I wish I was excluded from. I so wish those who think differently, thought so, when they lose that very love.

Love: What lies in “I love you”?

I often think of the few times where I assumed I was in love(*Laughs at the idea of it because I am too young to be thinking I was ever in love) and I think of the times where I thought I could be in love.

If there was ever a word that conveys a feeling in the most obscure manner, this is the one, LOVE. I just can’t help but think of the times where I blindly believed my own desires to be an emotion of much torment such as this.

I have never understood the idea behind Love. I mean, you get affection, and that in itself can be considered love, you get loyalty, trust and companionship, those can be considered love too. You get the self-sacrificial idealisms that are often expected out of specific affections and so on. All so that, one can be happy.

But What of it?

I am at an age of thinking, where I understand what people apparently do in the name of loving another and the importance of such thoughts and actions in continuously being signs of LOVE . But I am also at a time of thinking where I question what love means to differing individuals. As though when we say we love someone, we solely mean we love them alone….!?

Our parents love us(for those whom cannot relate, you have someone who loves you intently and wholeheartedly without question), but that does not mean that they only love us(one specific person which in this case is you), alone. If a parent can still say they love their one child and go on to have another, and thus love wholly, equally, with meaning and with as much as the same love, that they love the first of their children. Why is it that it is hard for people to accept that you can love one and another at the same time? When did love begin meaning fealty to only one person? Or rather, what makes us believe that this is the true meaning of loving someone, that they are the only person in our existence that can meet the needs of love in that instance and we are the only ones’ that can meet theirs?

What is love when you are angry at someone? Do you love them less? Or do you hate them? Is it a possibility to love someone and still hate them at the same time? If so, what is it not to make it possible to Love more than one person equally at the same time?

Understand me, I am not justifying infidelity, but rather I question humanity’s naivety in defining not CHEATING as proof of loving one specific person. It isn’t hard for me to imagine Love to be an emotion just as ordinary as hatred, or admiration. All specie get bored of something/someone. If we didn’t, the current lens that our world exists in, would not be favourable to the continuous new shows, phones, homes and many other innovations that come about because we loved, yes, and went on to love another because it was better, newer and not the one we already had.

I am not trying to equate partnerships of love to a product, but maybe that is the problem with my generation (and 4 or so generations before my own’s) definition of love, that we consider it a changeable product(dating), and then suddenly, you are unable to change the product(marriage). It is demeaning to think of partners as products but it is the best explanation of how confusing love is defined and meant in our current society.

So much pain, heartache and suffering accommodates love, but so does affection, trust, understanding and support. My question beckons, why is it so hard to think love as not singular commitment? That we are souls that long for love, some outgrow the idea of one kind of love to seek out another, and others simply enjoy the same kind of love that they always had and continue to cherish.

Perhaps it is just me, but much of the “I love you’s” that have been said in this world, are simply just affirmations for promises that were said without understanding or consideration and that in itself makes saying it ironic. If it were a contract, you’d be signing it without understanding if you can guarantee the conditions that have been set.

Perhaps what bothers me even more, is the fact that there is apparently some chivalry, longingness in being able to only love one person. This duopoly, that you can only truly love someone if you can only love them is toxic, but then… I sound like a naïve fool with no understanding of love.

But it is not my burden to shoulder, continue with your “I love you’s”, but know that it shouldn’t mean you don’t mean it just because you require the presence or another.

What cares of family, if Mortality of self is that that remains as family?

I recently began watching the Series “The Originals”, at first, for entertainment but then as the series progresses I begin to analyse it in respect of reality. Because of that I began trying to understand the characters not as a story being told to the audience as art but what elements of the story become an unfortunate truth of the world we live in. It may be fiction, but it is fiction that relays some truth and ,oddly, lesson in how it is written.

For the most part, it is about a powerful immortal man who is plagued by his paranoia, that somewhat purports that any supposed threat, that can cause him harm, be it emotionally, physically or anyway he feels threatened by, is a betrayal of him trust. Oddly enough, his paranoia is the very reason for the threats of betrayal and hurt that, he himself often has to live through and survive. But the manner of his survival is all too often savage-like. It is as though he prides himself in his destructive paranoia, and it is that, that he himself hurts those who he cares about because he fears they’ll hurt him, otherwise.

The character is flawed in such a way that he believes he needs to prove a point that he is the monster that people think him to be, and so it is better not to provoke him. But the point of my writing is not to explain the issues I have with the character and the many flaws he has. But rather, how the intricacies of that world and how it is built, so relates to our own, more so, towards our family’s.

Klaus Mikelson is a bastard, blessed with impenetrable vampire powers, and werewolf powers, he is an immortal hybrid vampire werewolf. This means that he is stronger than his siblings and since werewolf bites are fatal to vampires, he gets the better of both vampires and werewolves. Herein lies my issue, his “father”(step-father) was a violent, aggressive, abusive man, who wanted him dead upon realising he is not his child. Albeit the father(Mikel), treated all his children like trash and so ended scarring them for life, Klaus felt that because he was the “Bastard child”, he got the greatest brunt of the abusive from Mikel.

and so, Klaus and his 4 half siblings were made into immortal vampires who could not die, felt their emotions 10-fold and basically had mental issues. But most importantly, a family vow, “Always and forever”.

This vow, that they shall always be family, forever. Allowed for Klaus to act very monstrously towards his siblings. Largely because from the moment the 5 siblings ran away from their father, because the father wanted to kill his son, Klaus(step-son). As the strongest(and most egocentric), Klaus did things that many would kill and abandon for.

He killed the prospective lovers of his siblings, he would not allow his own siblings to be free, and enjoy themselves, not if he is not responsible for their joy and happiness, indirectly or directly. Fearing that he would be left to fend for himself against his father, should his siblings ever leave him, he would dagger them(put them into a deathlike-sleep, that one can only awaken from, once the dagger is removed). There is nothing that he was not willing to do to ensure that his siblings remain with him, be it they chose to or not. It is in that they would not remain with him, that he did the most monstrous things towards them.

Now, how does this relate to us? Well… the devil is in the detail. In the end, his siblings did as he said. He got the loyalty his wanted, and although they hated Klaus for it, they valued the bond of family. Their vow, “Always and forever”, withstanding all the horrors that they would inflict on each other.

But that is the thing, they did so and the question would be, “Why do you not just get out of this mess?” As Rebekah responded, “What would you have me do? Hate my brother forever? I am immortal, I cannot die”

and it is this that I write about.

Are we so willing to not care about our families, disown, and blatantly wish dead, because we are mortal? Would we be more forgiving towards the sins of our family and friends, if our lives were eternal?

Basically what I am getting to, is that, are humans less forgiving because they live such short lives? Had we been immortal, would we be less permanent in removing people from our lives? Are we capable of cutting people off, solely because our lives are so short?

I ask this because, the Mikelson siblings remind me that I have such a short life, so much so, that hating someone be it they family, foe or friend, it feels all the more worth it, since I have such limited time to live

I doubt I would believe that if I was going to live forever

What is of our lives?

As I sat thinking in the early hours of the 22nd of October, my heart raced of our definitions, emotions and what our own feelings allow us to feel as important. Shallow is our feelings of mutual understanding, that we are simply fooled by the idea of a nation, or better yet, religion, some, many centuries before I was born, were fooled by the pigmentation of skin. So much so that for the worth part of human existence, it(whatever people want to identify as an ingroup), meant(means, we’re still doing it) living, dying or whatever humans allow others like themselves go through because they think they are different.

Is this what we were chosen to be born into?

Is this the great birth and life. we are supposed to be thankful for? To be born into world so flawed, that the rules have been set in paper with signs(money and law if you don’t get it), to so prove how much our lives are worth?

Don’t get me wrong, life is worth living, life is a wonderous adventure that even when we want to die, we still want to live, we just wish the situation to be somewhat, somewhere different. And that’s the thing, Why is it we are doomed to the lives we have been chosen for, just because people decided the situation?

I often think how about 6 decades ago, my grandmother was born into a world that told her that educating her isn’t worth it, or that her worth as a woman was in if she can attract a well of man who could provide for her every need, that is after he pays my great-grandfather a fee for raising this wonderful woman called my grandmother.

It is absurd that we centralise ourselves in issues that we selfishly deem important, and 200 years later, people realise these were selfish decisions that probably should be changed. Why is it that after millennia of existence as a species, we human beings are as drawn to being the alpha as those whom were first unto this world, with the strongest trampling on the weak, and so enslaved to servitude of the strong?

Are our lives only worth when we can explicitly show power that threatens, or is adored by others? Thinking about the animal world, where this is poignantly obvious, are humans any better than the beasts we imprison in the zoos that litter the world? I speak so, because how many wars, laws, attacks and many other actions have gotten us to this point as a specie and somehow, those without the means of power(again I mean money) are worth it?

How much is my life worth if I cannot extravagantly show it to the world? At one time, being black was a form of wealth. If you had enough black people to serve you, you were as wealthy as Bill Gates(or so I hope).

What is of our lives, if each and everything that so defines our existences means nothing to someone who holds more power? What is stopping the world from being destroyed by those who hold the greatest of power? Laws? Is there no corruption that so proves that law is only as much as those who have the “power” to enforce it?

What is of our lives? Honestly? Why were we born, if someone, who so damn wills it, can hurt us a million times more, make our very existence excruciatingly not worthwhile?

I want you to sit and think this from a perspective of a higher being or someone not from this planet?

Of the many laws that all these organisations, countries, people and so on, have… which of them, do not so point what savages we are as human beings? The Police are apparently people who are supposed to protect us from ourselves? Who will then protect us from the police? The government is said to be the will of the people, but the people whose will it is, is but those who agree in unison… and we got Hitler, we got colonialism, slavery, racism, religion, we got Trump, but we also got Mandela, and Obama, Lincoln, Mugabe and the rest. What of education? What is it? What is of this system that we are born under, that makes people think, it is fair?

What is the value of our life? To live? Yea well, on who’s will? Who so says we live? What of then that someone says we shouldn’t?

What of our lives allows us to live, whilst others die, not because they chose it, but because someone else wills it?

If race decides who lives. or religion, or gender, or education, country of birth, moments of looking like you afford what you say is yours, or whether or not you love someone no more, what decides who dies? And of those that decides that, what makes their lives any more worthy to live?

What of our lives? What of anyone’s life? What of my life? Just pray that tomorrow… it isn’t yours.